Being single: “Should not be declared ‘volatile’ if single”

Suchismita Chattaraj is a 31-year-old, happily single woman. He is that child of the 90s, an “old soul looking for emotional connection” in today’s digitized world where he believes there is no place for platonic love or feelings. We asked her about her struggle to be single in an age and country where you’re still only considered “settled” if you’re married with kids by your late 20s, and here’s what she shared with us.

Does it bother you when people ask you why you are single?

Honestly, it doesn’t. When you’re single as an adult, people start talking and that’s totally fine. You can’t stop people from talking or asking questions, and if you can’t stop something, you should learn not to be bothered about it. This is the best way to keep your sanity. I prefer to smile at those who ask me such questions invading my personal space. It’s so childish of them.

Why do you think loneliness is so contested?

Well, ideally we’re progressing as a society to the point where being single is totally acceptable and this question isn’t inherently uncomfortable, but we’re not there yet, and we should probably focus on climate change and other things first. And then you know as human beings, it’s somewhere innate for us to investigate other people’s lives more than mind our own business. All these stereotypes are driven by pressures to conform to long-standing social norms: get the ideal partner, common house, children, and a person has gathered all the ingredients needed for a happy life. And simple shame comes from many sources beyond prying relatives and friends.

Governments play a role by offering various benefits to those who are legally married that singles cannot benefit from. Some people believe that this sends a message about the “right way” in life, serving as positive reinforcement for partners and making it very difficult for singles not to internalize the idea that they are doing adulthood wrong.

What are some of the weirdest, funniest questions you’ve been asked about being single?

Haha, people get such negative prejudices about those who don’t have a partner. They think we should be sad and lonely without a partner. We are actively looking for one but haven’t found a match yet or rather something is wrong with us that makes us end up alone. They have also advised me to compromise and settle for their idea of ​​settling down with the unworthy. But what hurts me more than anything else is society’s assumption of my parents not marrying me because I live off my earnings. Ha! At least leave them alone, they have done everything to make me what I am today – independent and a great decision maker.

Did past relationship experiences play a role in your choice to be single? What made you realize or decide that you no longer want a partner?

I am not against the idea of ​​getting married, common law marriage is a heavenly bond if you marry the right partner and take good care of it. But marriage shouldn’t be forced upon someone or there shouldn’t be an ‘ideal marriage age’. A person should not be declared as “unsettled” if he is single, I mean he should first understand the literal meaning of settling down.

My past relationships didn’t really play a role in me choosing to be single, rather the current idea of ​​being in a relationship that is mostly about one night stands or being limited to banging made me come to this decision. In today’s age of digitalization, there is no place for platonic love or feelings. People have so many options that they don’t want to put in the effort to make a relationship work. But alas, I’m a ’90s kid: an old soul with a vintage heart looking for the story-like emotional connection in the current age of speed.

Any advice for women and men out there who are considering single…

In recent years, social media influencers and traditional celebrities alike have proudly spoken about their single status. Working with themselves now encourages others to see their own lack of a romantic partner as a positive, not a negative. The more you embrace your singleness, I think the more free you feel to do the same. It’s your life and when you start living it based on what other people advise you let them control your life and that would be the worst thing you could do to yourself. So celebrate your status – every journey is different and we will all end up where we are meant to be.

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